When life gives you lemons...

It's been awhile since my last update. I apologize for that. Life only gets crazier from here on out is what I hear. A few weeks ago I finally completed my Certified Nursing Assistant clinicals and class. My relief is inexplicable. I enjoyed learning the various aspects of the job and am looking forward to finding something in one of the local hospitals in my area. No one told me, however, how terrible a job search would be. Can you say stressful? And that would be an understatement. For the last few days, I have checked every hospital in the area's website every few hours to see if job openings are posted. When they become available, I apply and basically cross my fingers. I have an awesome resume, thanks to my lovely sister, and I am hoping that something will turn up. I do not think I have ever been this anxious before about anything. My passion for people and the level that I care for others is what makes me not only want to do this job but something I feel that I need to do. I felt frustrated this afternoon when I received a response back from one of the jobs saying that "while my qualifications were great, other candidates had more experience than I". Duh... is that not why I am applying for these jobs in the first place? To gain experience? It makes since in my head, anyways. I am assuming the likely reason for this email was that they already had several qualified candidates and my name was no longer in the running. I've gotta say, I am not quite used to it. I have had many opportunities in high school and in my college education to apply for things and to be quite honest, I usually have gotten them. I have never had a really disappointing moment when there was something that I really wanted and did not receive. I realize that may sound selfish and like I am whining but it is more factual. I did not get these positions because I was just handed them, I got them because I earned them. I worked my butt off to get where I am. And job searching with no experience in the field is stressing. me. out. So many of the positions recommend at least 1 year of experience, guess how much I have... 4 days. Of course I have had several other opportunities that qualify me for these positions but so often they look for a certain thing on a resume and if they do not see it right away? Well you are SOL (s*** outta luck). They toss yours aside and move on without even reading it. That's what is so hard about online applications. I would rather go to the hospital, pick up a resume, shake a few hands, offer a few smiles and hopefully make some sort of impression in their minds before they just toss it aside. But unfortunately, that's not how the system works today. I can only hope and pray that they take the time to read through my application and resume and understand that I will do a great job if they choose to hire me.

Never have I ever... Have you ever played that game? You are supposed to hold up all 10 fingers and go around in a circle saying things that you have never done. If you have done what that person said, you put a finger down. The first person without any fingers up, loses. Well, never have I ever been so scared. I keep thinking, "alright Kendra, you are qualified, you may lack experience but they will call, don't worry" and I continue to remind myself not to worry. I keep thinking of the verse Matthew 6:34, "Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." But truthfully? Not worrying is the hardest thing to do. You can't help it. And if you ask my family they will tell ya, I'm a worry wort. Not about silly things, but about the people that I truly and deeply care for especially. I never like to see them hurting or not getting something they wanted, etc. I worry for them and I always want to make it better. That's the thing, I care for people, truly. I only hope that the employees in Human Resources understand that and can make my worrying cease for at least a little while.

I received an email from my dad this morning, something short and sweet, "God has a plan". I have to remember that God has a plan for my life and even though things may not work out in the WAY  that I want, something will always come out of it. I know that for sure. And that gives me some relief. I have a mural hanging on my wall in my room that has been with me throughout college. It is a canvas that reads, "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your good and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11). It always brings me comfort when the future seems so uncertain. I still worry, I am still nervous but I am reassured that life will go on no matter what. Until next time...

Grace & Peace,
B.